Who are the biggest cheaters in golf? We are not talking about Patrick Reed cheating. We are talking about the leaches of the amateur golf world. Many live among us. They know who they are, and we are their prey.
In a recent survey 80% of golfers admitted to cheating. The other 20% lied. Here at highongolf.com we have compiled a list of these stains on our society.
“The Hand Grenader”
- The hand grenader is the rarest cheater in golf. Having never personally encountered one of these creatures myself I have to submit to other people’s life experiences. Imagine if you will, throwing a hand grenade out of a bunker in WWII or taking a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Sky Hook. Apparently, these mythical creatures have mastered these techniques and will pounce when least expected. Very hard to catch in the act. This phenomenon is normally done in deep sand bunkers or places on a golf course most of us avoid. It would take the lowest of the low to even attempt this. It is well noted that “The Hand Grenader” is capable of anything on this list and if caught should be approached with extreme caution.
“The Traveling Mulligan Man”
- The traveling mulligan man is a notorious cheater in the golf world. Normally a high handicapper who likes to announce all the rules on the first tee box. They almost always add a breakfast ball and dinner ball to the mix. Before you know it, everybody is allotted an extra 3 to 4 strokes to their round. These sneaky cheaters prey on you at your most vulnerable moment. We all have enough on our minds standing on the first tee box. You can’t let “The Traveling Mulligan Man” steal your dignity and pride. Mulligans are for the weak. Don’t be bullied into cheating by these used car salesmen.
“The Ball Marker Magician”
- The ball marker magician is not the most dangerous cheater on the list, but cheating is cheating. These tricky yet subtle human beings have convinced themselves what they do isn’t cheating, but we all know better. There most classic move is putting the marker down between the ball and the hole instead of behind the ball. When they replace their ball, they put the ball in front of the marker. The savvy veteran can gain 3 to 4 inches a putt with this move. They will also be seen replacing the ball several inches in front of the ball marker when it’s their turn. You must keep a close eye on “The Ball Marker Magician”. They will look to gain an advantage anyway they can on the greens.
“Nobody does funny golf memes like we do. PERIOD.”
“The Foot Wedger”
- The foot wedger is the most hated of all the cheaters in golf. This could be because of how many there are, or simply because of how obvious it is to other golfers. These predators will strike in recreational, league, or tournament play. Golf is a game based on dignity and pride. These scums of the earth have absolutely none. Beware of “The Foot Wedger”. Their cheating habits in golf also speaks to their character. We wouldn’t recommend voting these less than humans in as your league president.
“The Mad Fluffer”
- The mad fluffer, or as my wife says, Mr. Fluffy McFluff Fluff, is normally a serious golfer who thinks he/she is better than they really are. I’m not talking about your 4-to-6-inch preferred lie rules that pop up in some memberships and golf leagues. Not every golf course is maintained like Augusta National. I’m talking about the golfer who twists numerous blades of grass together to form the perfect tee on almost every shot. These people study the art of sculpting in their spare time. It’s almost amazing to watch these artists at work. They are usually very disciplined with this approach to their game and totally convinced this is not cheating. Try to avoid playing with “The Mad Fluffer” if at all possible. They are only bringing you down. Play it as it lies (or somewhat close 😉)
“The Ball Dropper”
- The ball dropper will go to any length to win. These crooks are usually known throughout the community for their dishonest behavior. They most likely have a lot of skeletons in their closet. These cockroaches of our society are very hard to catch in the act. We have all had that person tell us they found their ball in a place we are 100% sure that it could not be. You are put in a tough position when you suspect this vile act has happened. They are also known for always carrying an extra ball in their pocket. If you can actually catch “The Ball Dropper” in the act, we suggest adding a 2-stroke penalty to the card and never play with them again.
- The sandbagger is widely considered one of the smartest and most disciplined cheaters in the golf world. These people are so good they have convinced masses of people that what they do is not cheating. Sandbagging is an art and takes a lot of effort to fluff your handicap and play bad golf on purpose. These low-lifes will often be seen missing a putt on purpose or not finishing a hole to add strokes to their score. The goal is to gain an advantage on the field or league when there is money involved. If you play with these scumbags enough it is very obvious when they are using this strategy. Sadly, it is impossible to rid the world of “The Sandbagger”, but if we could the world would be a better place.
“The Pencil Whipper”
- The pencil whipper is a weak human being. They have no other defense for their poor golf. A sad individual who can’t be trusted to even do the most basic functions of life. They love the go to phrase “my bad” when caught in the act. They always claim the wrong score wasn’t written down on purpose. Most likely repeat offenders in your friends’ circle. They can often be seen standing on a green pointing with their putter as if they are truly counting each shot they took. In the end it always ends up one more stroke than you or a miraculous par. We tend to feel bad for “The Pencil Whipper” of our friend groups. They are struck with the worst luck in life and often come out on the short end of the stick. For that, we accept their fake idiocy and move on. Take a pencil whipper under your wing. There is hope for everyone.
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We understand that not everyone plays by strict USGA rules. If we all did that there would be a lot less golfers. Embracing the good and bad shots in golf is what makes golf, Golf. I would much rather play with an honest high handicapper than a scratch golfer who cheats. If you are one of the stains on our society that make this list, I suggest you find ways to improve your golf game the noble way. Practice and play more golf. Try purchasing an item below or finding other ways to work on your game. Golf is more fun when played with integrity. If all else fails. Swing hard, in case you hit it!
There is another disgrace cheater class, the “Shooter”, who makes sure to submit enough bad golf scorecards just to increase handicap. In Portugal we call them “Pistoleiros” (shooters). And the biggest “Shooter” of all is known as Tinoco, who used to manage his own handicap as manager of his golf club.
The “Shooter”. I like it. Almost like “The Sandbagger”
Great post, I’ve played with some of these cheaters. But I’ve never seen or played with a hand grenader.
Me either. I’d love to hear stories of people who have. I’m sure they are hilarious 🙂
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